I don't know how to feel
Today was going so well. The line was fine, no frustrating orders or useless people. I even worked with Justin and things were good.
He mentioned a heavy metal singer that he would "fuck a farm animal for the chance to fuck her." I said that I have a similar feeling toward Blanc Noir. I said that I would do hardcore, non-anonymous porn with her, because I find he so attractive.
I didn't mean it, I'm far too shameful to have sex on camera. I think I said it because I had to. To fit in and appear, similar? That's not right, more like homogeneous, maybe like able.
Then Liz showed up.
I don't know why I get so twisted and bitter when I see her. she and Justin talked, I don't think they are hiding their relationship, if there is one. She talked to me and required attention.
"Do you think I could me a model?" As Liz lay prone on a box, making sure I could she her butt.
"Karl, smack my butt."
I had lecherous feelings for her before and I hope I've put them aside. but now I am conflicted. She's demonstrated promiscuity before, and I'm just trying to stay away, out of her line of sight.
The less attention I give her the more she looks for notice from other people.
The more I see of her the more I feel betrayed my my own inadequacy and folly.
Liz once asked me if I hate her and I couldn't answer. I so wanted to please her even then, after I promised myself that I wouldn't be involved with her.
I don't hate Liz. I hate myself for believing that my interest in her were valid, when they were just the mindless drive of my idiotic penis.
I should try to think more positive, non-horny thoughts about Liz.
Nah, I'll just keep drinking till I can't remember why I drink at all.
He mentioned a heavy metal singer that he would "fuck a farm animal for the chance to fuck her." I said that I have a similar feeling toward Blanc Noir. I said that I would do hardcore, non-anonymous porn with her, because I find he so attractive.
I didn't mean it, I'm far too shameful to have sex on camera. I think I said it because I had to. To fit in and appear, similar? That's not right, more like homogeneous, maybe like able.
Then Liz showed up.
I don't know why I get so twisted and bitter when I see her. she and Justin talked, I don't think they are hiding their relationship, if there is one. She talked to me and required attention.
"Do you think I could me a model?" As Liz lay prone on a box, making sure I could she her butt.
"Karl, smack my butt."
I had lecherous feelings for her before and I hope I've put them aside. but now I am conflicted. She's demonstrated promiscuity before, and I'm just trying to stay away, out of her line of sight.
The less attention I give her the more she looks for notice from other people.
The more I see of her the more I feel betrayed my my own inadequacy and folly.
Liz once asked me if I hate her and I couldn't answer. I so wanted to please her even then, after I promised myself that I wouldn't be involved with her.
I don't hate Liz. I hate myself for believing that my interest in her were valid, when they were just the mindless drive of my idiotic penis.
I should try to think more positive, non-horny thoughts about Liz.
Nah, I'll just keep drinking till I can't remember why I drink at all.
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